A few weeks ago life seemed to change forever and it all seemed and I think still seems, quite surreal.
We had laughed a little at the people stockpiling pasta and toilet roll. Got a little bit more real when the government started making announcements and maybe some people we actually knew in real life, had gotten sick.
Then after Mother’s Day we were placed onto lock down and told to stay at home to save lives.
We were told not to see our families outside of our homes , not to meet with friends, pubs and restaurants closed and life as we knew it, on hold.
For me as a small business owner and mostly dependent on seeing my clients face to face, holding space for them individually and through workshops and retreats … my initial feelings were fear. Fear, worry and concern. Could I possibly survive this … would the 10 years of blood, sweat and tears I’d poured into my business be wiped away?
My business and the businesses of my friends who work for themselves … they aren’t just our jobs but our babies… we’ve nurtured and grown them, we’ve given our lives to them, forsaken relationships, savings and everything that mattered to us to make them work and to lose them to this? Heartbreaking.
Then the reality of this disease and it’s madness set in more. Are my family and the people I love who are vulnerable going to be ok? When will I see them again? When will I hug and kiss them again? When will life EVER be the same again?? Indeed ever will it?
This last few weeks have been a roller coaster in every sense.
I’ve had to learn (quickly) to adapt to technology and set up online classrooms and therapy rooms (this from someone who still uses a paper diary!) and I’ve had to get my head straight to help guide and support clients and friends who are falling apart. And actually I’m proud of myself as I’ve somehow managed to hold it together and remain mostly positive and resilient thus far.
Yesterday was a wobbly day… I think emotions are like waves and we need to ride them and let them wash over us at times. Yesterday I felt scared and unsure. Our prime minister was taken seriously ill. Regardless of political beliefs, this is the man designated by the country to lead us through, to somehow save us. And yet he had succumbed also and if he couldn’t be saved what for us? My sleep hasn’t been great lately but last night was horrendous.
This morning I got up super early … even though I could have slept all day.
I did an online training session with my fab PT (who has also adopted online learning,) then went for a long walk with my dog and really reflected on where we are…
It’s really tough right now for everyone and for lots of different reasons … the #bekind movement really is paramount right now … please understand that social media doesn’t ever tell a true story of someone’s life nor their struggles. Try to be compassionate and not judge.
The world is still turning … nature is blooming and it’s truly beautiful. If you can get out in nature or even watch through your window, focus on that and celebrate it.
People are surviving this illness by their thousands.
Humour is important. Don’t feel bad about finding the light in the dark. I have an amazing friend who is a nurse … she is a specialist nurse who is being redeployed to work probably on a specialist ward and honestly told me this isn’t what she signed up for. She said she feels like Edmund Blackadder in Blackadder goes forth and feels like putting underpants on her head and putting pencils up her nose. We laughed at that and I will never forget that.
You don’t have to use the lock down period to drop a dress size or write a best selling novel. Screw that… we just need to survive it with our mental and physical health in tact.
The next time I hug someone outside of my home I don’t think I’ll ever let go and I will look forward to that day.
Try to stay present … just get through THIS day. Yesterday has gone now and if it wasn’t perfect, let it go. Tomorrow is a new start but focus on one day, even one HOUR if you need to, at a time.
If you can in any way, help others. Send messages of love in any way you can.
These are times no one could have foreseen but let’s keep HOPE for more beautiful things to come… xxx