Having felt a little “stuck” of late I’ve known I needed to get to work on moving forwards, gaining clarity and removing some blocks and barriers that were emotionally standing in my way.
I made a start and it was exciting, I was making plans, taking better care of myself both mentally and physically. I was gaining confidence and facing fears. I felt great.
So I carried on. Went deeper and immersed myself more fully into my course in miracles practice, was up daily at 5am meditating, surrendering and then heading out to exercise. I felt untouchable.
Then everything started going wrong. Life was going ***s up in so many ways!! I was upsetting people, being taken the wrong way, I couldn’t get myself straight, I couldn’t get myself organised. Things were getting a bit messy.
I didn’t ask for any of this shit!!
Then I got sick. Really sick. I had to take time off work , just a couple of days… then I’ll be fine I thought … couple of days passed and I am resembling a human again so off I hurtle full throttle back into being fabulous again..
Then I go to Glastonbury on a retreat. I go to the heart chakra of the world, amazing place, renowned for spiritual healing and transformation.
Whilst I am there I get sick again. Really, REALLY sick!! This time my whole body aches and pains, I have a fever and I can’t eat.
I come home and luckily had taken 5 days leave with which I had planned wonderful things, riding lessons, trips to my PT to get my strength back, a facial and a massage, not to mention the plans I had to catch up on admin work and begin writing new manuals for the new courses and workshops I have planned.
Couldn’t do any of it! Even taking a bath literally used up all of my energy. I was furious. Never have I been so hindered by my body and my mind together.
So I had no choice. Rest.
In the last couple of weeks I have realised the following….
The world will wait for me
Healing is not always pretty
Self love sometimes is about allowing your body to release what it doesn’t want to hold onto in its own way. In its own time
I am very proud of my body for all it does for me in terms of keeping me alive and healthy and I owe it big. It also deserves ALL of my love
Sleep is a wonderful medicine
The Universe has its own plans: they aren’t always in alignment with yours
It is absolutely ok to say no
Superwoman is allowed a sabbatical and so am I
Patience is where it’s at….
I am starting to feel better and stronger and I am looking forward to heading into spring feeling much lighter!
I have ordered myself a beautiful piece of smoky quartz; a crystal I have never really been drawn to before but suddenly I am obsessed with. It”s a stone for spiritual surrender as well as grounding and keeping you connected to the earth whilst your intentions and energies fly out into the Universe.
I have my vitamins and supplements at the ready to keep my body supported and a Reiki healing and acupuncture booked to work on my mind and soul.
Gently does it I am not hurtling back into craziness …. for the first time in almost 40 years I believe I have sat with my body and listened to what it has told me.
I don’t have to change the world in one day.